Dear Manny Gutierrez: Don't judge people until you walked a mile in their shoes

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Let me preface this by saying I'm going to reveal a LOT of personal stuff about me and my family. I've kept this quiet even among friends and family and put on a smile to the world. This will be the first and last time I speak about my family and personal matters as this.

If you haven't heard the news about Manny Gutierrez, Gabriel Zamora, Nikita Dragun, Laura Lee, and Jeffree Star then you've probably missed out on the Washington Post's article on racism among beauty influencers or the numerous YouTube drama/investigative channels covering the story. Here For The Tea, Sanders Kenndey and Beauty Truth Sleuth are among the channels I watch when I watch industry news/drama unfold. Normally I don't watch them for other types of "drama" since it doesn't affect me and only watch when it crosses paths with actual industry news. And what went down between those four popular social media personalities affected the industry which resulted in a few of them losing brand sponsors.



As a result of all this drama, I've begun to watch a few older yet more recent videos and ended up watching this video from Sanders Kennedy on a situation that Manny was involved with when he was out to lunch with his mother.

I don't always talk about my personal life on Zadidoll or on my personal Facebook wall because honestly, I'm embarrassed and ashamed by it. I'm embarrassed because I have been told my sons are brats, that they should be hit, that I'm a bad mom, that my husband is a bad dad, and so much more. Trust me, in the last four years, I've dealt with so much with my twin sons mental health disorders and intellectual disabilities that it has caused me to have a social anxiety disorder for which I'm now in therapy for.

I've never done drugs, I never smoked, and I don't really drink. I didn't have my first real alcoholic beverage until I was in my 30s. To this day I don't drink (once in a blue moon I might have a martini or a strawberry daiquiri, or pina colada), smoke, I don't do drugs (and I'm hard pressed to even take my vitamins), and I don't smoke (smoke actually hurts my lungs so I can't even be in my mother-in-law's home). I'm not a fan of any of those things and my vice was Pepsi when I could drink it. (Corn allergy took Pepsi and pretty much anything mass produced.) Because both my twins have mental disabilities I have been accused of doing something that caused them to be born the way they were born. The fact is that I did nothing.

I had a condition called Battledore Placenta where one twin (Twin A) had 75% of the placenta while the other (Twin B) had only 25%. We didn't even realize that I was pregnant with twins until my first ultrasound at 20 weeks which resulted in my seeing a maternal-fetal specialist and placed in the high-risk category which I was monitored on a weekly basis from about 22 weeks to the end of my pregnant at 36 weeks.

As my pregnancy progressed the outcome was grim as Twin B was not thriving as well as Twin A due to the fact he had only 25% of the placenta. We were not warned that if he survived there would be the chance for mental disabilities. I knew I was going to be induced because he was not thriving and so by around week 34 I began a series of steroid shots to mature their lungs so they would be induced by week 36.

The eldest of the twins was born at 5 pounds even while the youngest was just under 4 pounds. They remained in the hospital for another week to monitor their lungs and their growth. My youngest child, my baby boy couldn't even fit in diapers for premature babies and we had to get special premie diapers that were about the size of a business card. We also had to get a special car seat for him to lay him completely flat.

When we brought them home it was the start of summer and yet we had to keep our heaters on in the house to keep them warm. For the next two years, we watched them grow and we were hopeful they would be okay despite the fact the eldest was born with pulmonary valve stenosis and the youngest remained smaller than his identical twin.

By the time they were two, we knew there was something wrong with the two of them. They were smaller than children their age, they were not hitting milestones at the right time. By the time they were three, they were officially diagnosed as being developmentally delayed by 18 months. They went to a special pre-school to help them develop, they had private speech therapy, monthly doctors appointments, and saw specialists at Children's Hospital in our home state.

By the time they entered kindergarten they were still developmentally delayed - both intellectually and physically. They didn't look like normal five-year-old children and looked more around three. I knew that by their reactions to noises and certain frequencies that they were probably Autistic and while they were diagnosed with other mental disorder they were never diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum. That took another five or six years and then only my youngest son was diagnosed being ASD while we were told his eldest brother is so high functioning he doesn't place on the ASD even if he was Autistic himself.

In 2013 after our eldest daughter graduated high school I made the decision to move our family cross country so that the rest of her siblings could get to know their father's side of the family as they had never met them. We should have stayed home and that's the biggest regret I've ever had. Even my husband now says this was a mistake BUT it was in this state that I finally was able to get our sons help and to this day we work with mentors, therapists, counselors, and a psychiatrist to help them and us with their plethora of disorders. And yes, when we moved here and found help for them here they had to go through all the testing again which reinforced what doctors in our home state diagnosed them with.

I've been tap dancing around what disorders my sons have. They both were diagnosed in our home state with ADHD, mood disorder, anxiety disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder. Here in this state, the diagnosis is similar but two things changed - mood disorder became bipolar disorder and oppositional defiant disorder became an unspecified conduct disorder.

I'm not going to go into the living hell we've been in the last four years but suffice it say once the twins hit their tween years and hormones started to kick in that affected their behavior and their medication. I will say this: because of the trauma we've experienced I've become a recluse in these last four years. My husband's family (father's side) has essentially shunned us because they're embarrassed by the... well I won't repeat the unkind things said. The first year we moved here we were invited to birthday parties and holiday parties but ever since nothing. Not even a happy birthday or even congratulations when our youngest daughter graduated high school. Now my mother-in-law, my husband's mom, loves her grandkids, each and every one of them and spoils them rotten. It's just a shame that my father-in-law, his wife, and three sisters (along with their husbands and children) have shunned us. I want to go home where my eldest daughter is at, where my mother is at, where we have family and friends who love and support us

So if you want the full truth on why I have all but stopped blogging here or even working with people, well you now know why.

My focus. My energy. Our money. All of it is on those twin boys who are now 15 and with whom I have less than three years to ensure that they will be functional adults because once they turn 18 I have no legal say on if they take their medication or if they continue therapy.

I only started therapy myself recently because the life we live is very stressful. Between my husband having a heart attack two years ago, right after I had an emergency appendectomy, to him needing spinal surgery (four times), to him being hospitalized three times with MRSA plus our twin sons. I don't have anyone to talk to about it and even so having been shunned by family makes me not to want to discuss it with anyone so I didn't. But I recognized that everything in our lives these last four years has left me a shadow of my former self. I can hide only so much of it but there's a saying about not knowing the demons a person battle is so true. So for me, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and a sleep disorder. I also have a plethora of other health issues from gout (a type of arthritis in the feet), costochondritis (an inflammation of the rib joints that mimics heart attack pain) and empty sella syndrome (a rare disorder and causes headaches for me). On top of that a more recent diagnosis of a corn allergy which has eliminated so many foods and drinks.

When my twins are in good moods they're perfect. They're a pleasure to be around. They're fun to be around. We're happy. BUT! When they're not in a good mood it's like walking on eggshells around them because you don't know what will set them off. Life when they're in a terrible mood because they were bullied in school (and that is a whole other topic because school is starting up and this is year three fighting with that school) they're miserable for days and weeks on end.

Needless to say, watching that video from Sanders Kennedy on Manny MUA ridiculing a child and her parents in a restaurant while he and his mom were having lunch hit way too close to home. But he took college classes so he KNOWS the difference between a child being a brat and a child who may have intellectual disorders or disabilities. Way, way, way too close to home. How DARE HE and his mother open their mouths about that little girl. His mother should know better since she's in her late 40s to early 50s if not older (he's 27).

What I wrote on his wall and Tweeted him:

Kindness begets kindness. I’ve watched you on and off over the years - not because I’m a fan but because you gained my attention by your rudeness towards Michael Key and the rest of the folks at IMATS a few years back. I watched how you treated people when you thought no one would pick up on your jabs and comments. I watched you most recently over your comment about a young girl (who might have been 13) being a “brat” and listen to you AND your mom make comments about slapping her. Then when other people called you out on that you down play it by saying you took a few college classes so you know all about mental health disorders and intellectual disabilities. Let me give you the bird because you Mr. Know It All don’t know anything.

Live your life raising a child with either a mental disorder or intellectual disability. Parents get harassed and ridiculed daily. So many of us do not take our children out because we KNOW we’re going to be judged and glared upon and told our kids are brats and we should hit them. Hitting a child who can’t help themselves won’t help the situation and can actually make the situation worse. Hearing your mom, who is probably older than I am, say such unkind things... no wonder you’re an unkind, self-absorbed person.

But it was your video not hers and your comments about your education and you know it all that sickens me. I actually DID cry when I heard your words because vile contempt you had for that little girl and her parents because I’ve lived my life raising my sons with people like you sitting judgement.

Money doesn’t buy you a soul or morals.

Then to see the video of you making faces at another little girl rushing over to hug Jeffree. I’m not a fan of his at all. I think his own action have been vial but it’s not his behavior or his actions I speak of but yours. Even if you claim he made a face to you and that wasn’t captured, that is a moot point. It doesn’t matter what we saw or didn’t see on his face - it was your face, your expressions that we did see and it was vile.

I won’t even get into how you call yourself a makeup artist yet you know nothing about anatomy, skin diseases, light theory, color theory, or ever worked with an actual paying client or worked on a set or in a hotel room with an anxious bride and her bridal party. You took a title that was not yours to make yourself look like you’re something you’re not. Oh I’m sure I’ll get hate from fans who will rush to your defense over this part of my comment to you but I have worked with clients and learned my craft before setting it aside these last six years for my family and for my twin sons - one of whom is Autistic and diagnosed in the last five years.

No no matter what you say now to me you will always be a cruel, unkind, uncaring, self-centered, selfish person who is more worried about his bank account and the 12% kickback he gets from his promo codes and the $3 to $5 per unit sold on each collaboration you do or the $35,000 to $50,000 you demand for each positive video you do for a company on top of your affiliate codes and links.

How about start making amends with all those you hurt INCLUDING the folks at IMATS, Michael Key whose show you insulted and did harm to his business. To the parents and family members of those who have children and loved ones with intellectual disabilities and mental health disorders. To all others whom you’ve harm by selling your soul and morals for fame and fortune. And to all those people you called friends when they were friends only because it was to your benefit.

Personally, I feel that Manny is an unkind person. He comes across to me, and yes I'm judging him based on his past videos and comments, as someone who is entitled, self-centered, self-serving. I don't believe he is a good role model for tweens, teens, or young adults. In the years I've watched him, on and off, each time I see him it's always due to some drama he's involved in and he's not a kind or considerate person in my eyes yet brands support him - even now after other allegations against him have come forward - because he makes them hundreds of thousands of dollars. All his bad behavior is overlooked because he makes them money. I feel he needs to grow up more and volunteer with those with mental disorders and disabilities and with those with intellectual disorders. Maybe then he will truly see how hurtful his and his mothers comments were.

If you would like to learn more about Autism Spectrum Disorder there are plenty of resources online. If you suspect your child or loved one has Autism there are places for help. Trust me, you may feel alone but you're not alone.

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